Thursday, January 06, 2005

Happy New Year

I have to wonder what lies in wait for us in 2005. Any thoughts?

I have a few. Let us call them "Predictions" for the new year.

1. The election in Iraq will go smoother that expected, that is right up until they elect a radical fundamentalist to be president. All future elections will of course be outlawed, women's rights will be, well, non-existent, but the killing will stop, sort of.

2. Osama Bin Laden will continue to not be found by all those looking for him, but luckily most of America will be wondering what ridiculous name Brittany Spears will call her baby girl and continue not paying attention. Oh ya, that kind of ties into number three...

3. Brittany Spears names her baby girl, born in July, either Lady, chastity, or some other thing she ain't or ever was.

4. Oil prices will decline sharply prompting the big auto makers to introduce another great big SUV or the Ultra Sport Utility Vehicle. Dwarfing the Hummer H2 and requiring an extra gas tank, this vehicle will individually produce more toxic emissions than a coal burning power generator.

5. Mother Nature is going to pimp slap the Northern Hemisphere and not in a good way. This will prove once and for all that nature is a mother! A mother that is sick and tired of trying to guilt the world into treating her with respect so she's just going to get up, reach across the table and back hand humanity.

6. Pissed off hockey fans are going to kidnap Bettman and Goodenow and force them duke it out in a winner take all bout to end the Hockey lockout.

7. The big one hits the West Coast and California slips into the ocean. Better start buying up Nevada desert now before it's too late.

All kidding aside. I hope everyone has a great 2005.


2 Comments:

At January 7, 2005 at 1:10 PM, Blogger Carmi said...

My stomach will take a good hour or two to recover from the laughing. Thanks for posting this.

 
At January 12, 2005 at 10:25 AM, Blogger Steve said...

I predict that I'll once again need to file a restraining order against Jennifer Aniston in 2005. She'll start stalking me again after her breakup with Brad "The Next Best Thing" Pitt.

I also predict we'll continue to find Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq--one Bradley fighting vehicle at a time.

 

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