Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Me against the "MAN"

AHHHHHH

I had a post and blogger eat it. Oh well. I try another in a while.

SHIT!

Friday, January 14, 2005

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I tell all my new clients that I treat every client equally regardless of the size of the portfolio. For the most part this is true but as with everything, some clients are more equal than others. For instance, yesterday evening I took a night appointment at a prospects home. Rarely do I do this because it tends to set a dangerous precedent. I means that from now on I will have to meet them after-hours, and at their home.

Okay, they got mega-bucks so I forgive myself, and like I told Wifey, I’d be in and out in less than an hour. Hmmmm……..WRONG!

The appointment took just under an hour, and all he did was through me a bone, a small part of his portfolio that had been under performing. I was more than a little pissed. The fact I made three grand on that bone took a lot of the pain away. But wait. I mentioned I was there for three hours. What could possibly keep me at a client’s home for an extra two hours? What could possibly make me want to risk Wifey’s wrath?

WELL, the client is a single malt aficionado. Twenty-three bottles in his collection and I was offered a taste of any one of them I wished. At first I refused stating my desire to return home and spent time with Wifey and the boy and the girl. The client took down a 25yr old Highland Park and poured a “taste” into a glass. I wasn’t even in my teens when that malt went into the barrel. Okay, maybe just one “taste”.

WOW. There are so many other words that I could use to describe that whiskey but WOW seems to sum it up best.

Okay, I’m not going anywhere soon. I realized that when the last drop emptied from the glass. I was actually sad to see him put the bottle back on the shelf, but I didn’t cry! I forced back the tears and accepted another “taste”. This time it was an 18yr old Macallan. Very nice, very, very smooth.

What followed was a “taste” of a 16yr old Lagavulin, an almost salty whiskey. Wonderful! Then a 15yr old Glemomorangie that had matured in Bourbon barrels. Mmmm. We followed this with a 15yr old Dalwhinnie that I found a little soft, but very good. Then a Cardu, and a “taste” of Oban. Not bad at all. He finished with a “taste” of a 20yr old Balvenie. Smooth as silk even drunk neat. I asked him if we drank them in any particular order, you know geography, style, whatever. He responded “yes, in the order I took them off the shelf”. I like his style. No pretence, no bullshit! “ the next time you come over I’ll let you try the good stuff”. Oh good lord. It gets better.

If I had of stayed I could have “tasted” the entire collection, other than the “good stuff” but as it was I was getting drunk and it was getting late. I thanked my new best client for the Scotch tour and drove home. As you are all aware, Wifey was loaded, so I was off the hook for being so late.

What a great night!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Happy New Year

I have to wonder what lies in wait for us in 2005. Any thoughts?

I have a few. Let us call them "Predictions" for the new year.

1. The election in Iraq will go smoother that expected, that is right up until they elect a radical fundamentalist to be president. All future elections will of course be outlawed, women's rights will be, well, non-existent, but the killing will stop, sort of.

2. Osama Bin Laden will continue to not be found by all those looking for him, but luckily most of America will be wondering what ridiculous name Brittany Spears will call her baby girl and continue not paying attention. Oh ya, that kind of ties into number three...

3. Brittany Spears names her baby girl, born in July, either Lady, chastity, or some other thing she ain't or ever was.

4. Oil prices will decline sharply prompting the big auto makers to introduce another great big SUV or the Ultra Sport Utility Vehicle. Dwarfing the Hummer H2 and requiring an extra gas tank, this vehicle will individually produce more toxic emissions than a coal burning power generator.

5. Mother Nature is going to pimp slap the Northern Hemisphere and not in a good way. This will prove once and for all that nature is a mother! A mother that is sick and tired of trying to guilt the world into treating her with respect so she's just going to get up, reach across the table and back hand humanity.

6. Pissed off hockey fans are going to kidnap Bettman and Goodenow and force them duke it out in a winner take all bout to end the Hockey lockout.

7. The big one hits the West Coast and California slips into the ocean. Better start buying up Nevada desert now before it's too late.

All kidding aside. I hope everyone has a great 2005.