Friday, November 26, 2004

Catch 22

After perusing the Next Blog button for a while this morning I happened across a blog called The Conservative Legion. Notwithstanding the array of humorous pictures and cartoons of his past posts, there was an underlining message that I find rather disturbing.

In his post he calls Fahrenheit 9/11 a tragedy, and two infuriating hours spinning half-truths, supposition, perverted imaginings, and out-and-out lies across the screen, polluting the viewer with anti-American views. Perhaps it was.

But what makes Fahrenheit’s half-truths worse than those of the other side? What is it with humanity that allows some to accept so absolutely the propaganda of one side and to dismiss so absolutely the propaganda of the other?

But there are no absolutes! And there are no complete truths because humans are flawed. Our perceptions cloud our judgement. This post is a perfect example of that. I believe absolutely that being certain and absolute about anything makes you close-minded and anti-human.


Thursday, November 25, 2004

The solution to my problem

If you had read my previous post you could understand what a precarious position the erroneous Email put me in. The clients in question are one of only a handful of very High Net Worth clients I have under administration. Losing them over a little, albeit incredibly embarrassing mistake would not be good for business. The question is, or rather was, what to do?

After cautiously sharing my dilemma with a colleague we hit on an idea to allow the swingers to save face and for me to hopefully save the account.

I Emailed the client back and explained that the virus checker our server uses incarcerated the Email and he would have to re-send the message. He responded quickly to say that the ‘issue” he had was resolved and nothing further was needed. Hmmm. I wonder if he bought it? I think I’ll take a “don’t ask, don’t tell approach”.

Notwithstanding everything I have already told you about my poor, careless client, the humour continues to reinvent itself….

Yesterday at an all day conference in the big city, I was telling this story to a peer group when a very dignified woman with silver hair exclaimed that she knew how embarrassing those parties can be and how her and her late husband attended many in their day. The much younger woman to her left, her daughter, gasped then whispered something into her ear. There was an instant look of horror on her face once her daughter enlightened her to the fact that a swinger party I was talking about had no similarity to the disco parties she went to, and hosted in the 70’s.

It took a while, but she eventually found the humour in it. I, as well as everyone else within earshot found the humour right away.

Monday, November 22, 2004


Have you ever had the misfortune of seeing something you never, never wanted to see. I cannot believe anyone can say no to that question and whether it's walking in on your parents love making, or catching your roommate masturbating etc... it is a tremendous blow to the Zen!

This morning I received my standard 15-20 Email. One of them however was never intended for me but I didn't know that until I opened it. The subject line was harmless FWD: Hello..... but the message, or rather the pictures were anything but.

What I opened was a collection of digital photography intended to be delivered to the participants of a weekend swinger sex party.

I have always believed what consulting adults do in their bedrooms, not to mention livingroom, kitchen, dining room, hall and bathroom, is their own business. BUT, don't email the pictures. Print them out and deliver them by hand, or on a disk.

I deleted the email. I will try to forget what I saw. But I will never open an email from this client again.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Oh the humanity.

I have long contended that I am losing faith in humanity. All I have to do is look around and it’s clear that society is falling apart. There is a line in Men in Black which that I love. It is a rebuttal by Agent K: ” A person is smart; people are dumb panicky dangerous animals and you know it”

It’s not that I think humans are innately evil, in fact I think the opposite is true. I think humans are social creatures that want and more importantly need a sense of community and belonging. Even blogging is a from of community, albeit a rather anonymous one, but I would bet that most bloggers share more of themselves with their readers than they do their co-workers or perhaps family. The reason I can only assume is the sense of belonging they feel. It’s not barn raising but it works.

But every now and then I witness real random acts of kindness and love and I wonder if I could be wrong about humanity. I witness first hand the story of the Logan’s and the undying love they felt for each other. I see people in my community coming together to provide for a family that lost their house in a fire.

But then!

There is the story of, let us call him Ted. Ted is a client of mine that has been off work for almost 9 months due to failing health. I have spoken with Ted on the phone on several occasions throughout this difficult time, but he has never been up to a face-to-face meeting. That is until today.

Ted walked into my office at 9:15 this morning. He looked really rough, tired and a little thin. I wondered if perhaps he had cancer. Walked slowly over to a seat, took a little donut shaped pillow out of his briefcase, put it on the chair and sat down ever so carefully. Then he proceeded to tell me the entire story of his 9-month ordeal.

HEMORRHOIDS. The guy had hemorrhoids. How fucking bad does it have to get to need to take 9 months off work.

Nine months off work for a really bad pain in the ass!

Humanity is domed.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Sweet, sweet slumber.

Tuesday nights are hectic. The boy has karate at 6:00 and I don't usually leave my office until 5:00. That give me less than an hour to get both kids home, fed some dinner, dressed, and then driven to their activity. By the time I have dropped of the boy I am usually ready for a nap.

A nap. There's a right that should never be taken away. Schools, offices, factories should all shut down for twenty or so minutes so everyone can have a nap. I wonder if most people remember how. I'm not sure I do. There was a time not long ago when I was in the military that I slept through an artillery simulation. I had been up for nearly two days without a wink, but those things are loud.

Now kids, they know how to nap. Last night after all the running around I wasn't the only one who was tired. The girl had fallen asleep in the van on the way back from dropping the boy off at karate. When we got home I tried to wake her so I didn't have to carry her to the house, but she wouldn't stir. It was like a coma. I carried her in the house and put her on the sofa at which point a child would usually wake up right? Nope, she just curled into a little ball and continued not waking up. A half an hour later, wifey gets home and just in time to pick up the boy.

We tried to wake up the girl so I didn't have to carry her back to the van. We called to her, moved her arms around, plugged her nose. Nothing. Not a stir. We even checked to see if she was still alive. She was alive, but fast, fast asleep. At this point it struck me. I would fucking kill to sleep like that. I would step on a kitten for just twenty minutes. Could you imagine how refreshed you would feel?

Sweet, sweet slumber. May I live to know you again.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Ah shit, it's snowing!

I have to admit I like cool weather. I would love to live in perpetual autumn with early falls cool nights and sunny days, amazing. I love how fresh all the vegetables are, open air markets and all the changes in the trees with their leaves turning all those brilliant colours.

But I don't live in perpetual fall. I live in Hell and it just froze over. Yes it is snowing in my home town. It's snowing and all I can do is look out the window in disgust. Though I have to say I look more comfortable with the temperature change then the migrant workers that just walked by my office window, bundled up like a 4 year old in a ski-do suit (Injection of Canadiana) and balaklava.

Nevertheless this time of year never fails to piss me off. I am 12th generation Canadian which means not only were my ancestors kicked out of most of the descent countries of Europe, but they had there fucking pick when they got to the new world. I've played golf in West Virginia, not a bad spot, or Georgia, or the Florida Quays (not that I would like to live there now, but..), any of those nice little islands all over the Gulf.

But, no. My ancestors picked British North America, Canada as it is called now. They forwent 24 degree average temperature for a country that typically has termperature swings of 70% from winter to summer.

Well perhaps the pros out weigh the cons. The biggest pro to being Canadian is I can say I was born in a country that gained its independence not through a violent conflict, but a two week bender back in 1867 full of booze, hookers, song and dance.

I AM CANADIAN, but I still hate the fucking snow.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

I was just kidding!

In my last post I mentioned in jest that Democrates could simply move here to Canada to evade Bushdom. Today I read in the Globe and Mail that Immigration lawyers in Toronto have seen a dramatic increase in inquries from Americans, especially from soldiers. This is not good. You, and by you I mean liberials in America must stay and fight. You have four years to get Middle-America to listen to reason. You need to fight and get your country back. Remember freedom? You cannot protect freedom by taking it away. People need to realize that. If you are not there to tell them, they may never hear it.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

So it's the devil you know eh?

"By, By, love. By, By, happiness...I think I'm going to cry"

Kind of says it all for about 160 million Americans, but it's not over till 20,000 lawyers all get their chance to sing. That should sound like seagulls from Finding Nemo, mine, mine, mine

May what ever God you believe in have mercy on you all. But for those of you that can't take it any more Immigration Canada. We're not much more Democratic, and our government is just as bad for entirely different reasons, but no ones tapping your phone, looking into your library records or restricting your constitutional rights.