Tuesday, February 07, 2006

In honour of P. Diddy

In honour of P. Diddy once again changing his name, apparantly the "P" was getting between him and his fan, I have provided all with a great link.

Chech out the Rap Star Name Gererator.

From now on my fans I will only respond to O-Killer!


Friday, January 06, 2006

A look at my 2005 Predictions and new prognostication for 2006

Here's a link to my 2005 Predictions. Not bad eh? Although the Project of a New American Century boys made damn sure the Iraq elections didn't result in the election of a new pain in democracy nut job, and California didn't as predicted fall into the Pacific Ocean, most of the others were on the money.

Okay, so predicting that OBL wouldn't be found was a no-brainer. They're still looking for this dude in all the wrong places. Pssst. Look for him in the palaces of his family in Saudi Arabia.

Again calling for Brit to get knocked up was again a no-brainer, but come on. Calling the kid Sean Preston. What the hell. Did anyone see that coming. I didn't think so.

Oil prices decline and the big three launch a bigger SUV. Okay so I didn't exactly nail that one. But they haven't changed their business plan either. So I'll call that on a tie.

Mother Nature pimp slaps North America. WOW, not only did she pimp slap us, but she opened a big'ol can of woop ass as well.

Pissed off hockey fans kidnap Bettman and Goodenow and force them to duke it out in a winner take all.....Would have happened too if that pansy Linden hadn't stepped in. I would have had money on Bettman. A guy who has already sold his soul wouldn't have lost to a pussy like Goodenow. So I'm going to call that one a tie as well.

So the score is two not even close, one disqualified because of out side interference, three on the money and two ties. Not bad.

2006 prognostication

1. Arthur wins the lottery.

2. Aliens come from space and declare Arthur supreme ruler of Earth.

3. Arthur finds a suit case full of money, uses the money to fund a coup and becomes dictator of a small, white sand island in the south pacific.

4. Arthur discovers a cure for low female libido. Uses money earns from licensing for new drug to develop a cure for high male libido. Line ups a drug stores spill out into the streets and cause a month of rioting all over the world. Arthur is sued for billions and has to go into hiding.

5. Arthur wins second lottery.

Boy I hope my odds are the same this year.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Christmahanukahkwonza

In the holiday tradition of boring friends and relatives nearly to death with an inane but truthful opus of the past years events, I have decided to write this, my first Christmas Letter blog. However, 2005 really sucked and I don’t want to tell anyone about it. In fact, 2005 ranks up there for me with say….a home invasion.

So, I have decided to completely fabricate my Christmas Letter instead, and because I am too damn lazy to actually write the entire thing at once, I have also decided to write in several parts. Enjoy.

The most wonderful thing about Christmas is it gives us time to share all our achievements with our friends and families. Personally I find one of the most enjoyable parts of the holiday is to read the letters of our friends from around the world and discover just how inadequate they are in comparison. “Oh little Megan lost a tooth”, “Grandma got new glasses”. Honestly, what Crap! Next year please don’t bother unless you have something exciting to tell me.

The big adventures of 2005 started a little later than in 2004. It took me until the middle of January to emerge from the depression caused by reading all those Christmas letters we received. But we quickly made up for lost time. Wifey thought the best way to wrench me from my funk was to take me on a deep sea fishing expatiation in the tradition of Ernest Hemingway. We flew first class into Miami and the flight was fantastic. While the kids napped, Wifey and I took the opportunity to re-new our membership in the “Mile High Club”. Like I said the flight was fantastic.

Upon arriving in Miami we realized we were both far to loaded to drive so we chartered a limo to take us to Key West. The kids thought the limo was really cool. It had a TV for each of them so they were able to watch their favourite shows while we made our way to the resort. The ride was very nice for Wifey and I as well as the limo was well stocked with champagne.

After a few days of lying in the sun, eating and drinking like royalty, I finally worked up the ambition to charter a boat to take me fishing. I was back, completely renewed and out of my funk. The next day the boy and I made our way out on the Gulfstream for a man’s adventure of a lifetime. We set out early and made for the 90 miles between the Keys and Cuba, where the big fish are known to be. I wasn’t after dinner. I was after the chance to wrestle with a Marlin, sailfish, tuna or wahoo. I was after a legend, a god of the sea.

The boy was the first to get a hit. A 42 pound Tarpon and a hell of a fighter. The fish was leaping about 10 feet out of the water. It was amazing to watch. No sooner had the boy landed the fish when I had my first strike, a 28 pound mahi-mahi. Not a bad little fighter, but not what I was after. The boy landed another Tarpon and a Snapper that weighted in at 39 pounds. Then I got the big strike, a 193-pound swordfish. It took three and a half hours in the fightin’ chair to land the spectacular fish. At times I thought the fish was going to win the epic battle, other times I thought she had given in to her fate only to be amazed by yet another burst of life. When the battle finally ended and we had our pictures, we let the fish back into the sea.

We ended the trip back at the marina by cooking up the mahi-mahi in a smoked lemon and honey marinade. Delicious!

The last few days of our trip was spend back at the resort relaxing and enjoying a little family time and trying to decide what to do next. My vote was for Northern Spain after the kids had finished school. We could be there just in time for the Festival in Pamplona and the Running of the Bulls.


Friday, December 02, 2005

"Common People like me"

CBC radio just aired a song by William Shatner called "Common People".

The song was so bad. It was one of those songs he talks through without ever actually singing a note and like his commercials on tv, he presents it with a Dennis Leary "I'm an Asshole" kind of thing.

The wired thing is I really liked the song. I know in my heart I shouldn't but it couldn't be helped. I respect any one who looks at life is his/her own private amusement park. I myself have been accused of viewing the world as something that exists only for my enjoyment so really how could I not like Shatner?

To quote Eddie Murphy, "William Shatner is the coolest white guy on the planet"

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a woman "will you marry me?"

The woman said, "NO!"

So the guy went fishing, played golf a lot, drank loads of beer and farted whenever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I'd like to present Exibit A to the Jury!

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless.

You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

SPAMMERS of the world unite!

As an occasional blogger I have to admit I enjoy knowing that someone out there is reading my ramblings. Normally I get one, maybe two comments and sometimes one of them isn't Trillian. But imagine my surprise this past Monday when I check and there has been eleven comments to a various number of my posts. I was absolutely trilled....right up until I read the comments.

Actually, I should have had an idea that my posts were spammed when at Thanksgiving dinner, my mother in law mentioned something about it. I thought she had been offended by my M I L F post, (Notice what I did there? Spacing it out like that.) and didn't give it too much thought, because if I worried about offending family, I'd never get to speak!

SO, from now on I will stop using "bad words" in my posts, and make no references to sexual slang or banter.

On second thought, Fuck it, I'll just delete the SPAM